i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
