Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
