so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
