I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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