took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
