drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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