I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Boobs speak an international language.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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