And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
