I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
