I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
