that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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