i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
