On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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