trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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