Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
