Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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