We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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