Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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