i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
