she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
