My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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