He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
