He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
