I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
