I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
