I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
