Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
