hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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