Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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