He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
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he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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