I seem to have left my pride at pride
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
tell me about the eggs
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