Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
