my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
