Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
