I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
