please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
