I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
