I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize
