we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
