I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need moral support for this bender
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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