I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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