his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
