Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
