Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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