a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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