so that wasnt chicken after all
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
