If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
