I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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