nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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