for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
