I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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