There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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