dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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