is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
