those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I need to stop coming to work sober
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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