chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
