she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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