I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
