hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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