he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
