Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
