Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
