I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
