READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
