Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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