if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
