When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
