Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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