i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
