Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
