When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
