Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
3pm strippers are depressing
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
