The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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