is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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