there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
