i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
