We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
